42

that's how many months carla and i have been together.

this has been the longest that anyone has put up with me.

she has been the most amazing woman to me in that time.

she is the one that got me to go back to school (though, it didn't last long, but it got me going in the right direction). she inspired me to my life back in order. she inspired me to lose 30 lbs.

i don't do near enough for her. i do massage her feet all the time, but that's not enough. she does all these little things for me that let me know she cares and she loves me, but i don't do that very well. and it's not that she wants me to actually do little things, like put her first on my links list, or take out the garbage on a regular basis. it's that doing those things, taking the couple minutes (that's it! just a couple minutes) lets her know that i care.

i love her more than i have ever loved anyone before.

she challenges me as a person to grow. she challenges me to show that i care. to be compassionate and passionate. she does so much for me. so much more than i think she knows.

i love you, carla, so much.

i know you feel the same for me, and, for that, i am most grateful.

i hope 42 months turns into 840.

i love you.

he's got the counter, and now he's throwing the hammer

the xx winter olympics are fully underway, and i have the dvr working fulltime. between the time lag, job, and my regular shows, i'm recording a lot more tv than i can watch.

but the olympics only come every 2 years, and it's only every 4 years that i get to watch luge, bobsleigh, downhill, and curling--the grandmaster, in my eyes, of winter sport.

throwing rocks down the sheet for 10 ends is the way you are to utilize ice.

and because carla is such a wonderful girlfriend, we have tickets to the curling nationals in april in lowell, ma.

that's right. 3rd row seats to the national curling championships.

do you know how hard it is to get those kind of tickets?

you have no idea.

let's just say we had to shell out over $15 per seat.

but as much as i am excited about that, my heart is preoccupied by something else.

i have a stupid cat.

carla and i fear that our little boy, napoleon, is the feline version of forrest gump.

the little guy is affectionate and cute, as all cats should be, but he just doesn't seem that smart. he can't figure how to get to stuff, he freaks out at any loud noises, and he gets this look on his face sometimes that makes me think that his brain is completely off and the only reason he is breathing is because he's not smart enough to figure out how to stop.

but i love him anyways.

but not like this guy loves cats.

on second thought, you might not want to click that...

scared straight

i stopped going to the dentist 4+ years ago.

bad idea.

i returned to the chair after my hiatus to find that i did not do as good as a job as i could have.

i have the beginnings of a couple cavities. but the big one is:

gingivitis

so, they hooked me up with this power toothcleaner, a mouthwash to fight it, and lots of poking and stabbing with sharp objects.

oh, and, this mouthwash, if i don't brush and floss my teeth well enough before using it (twice a day!), it may stain my teeth brown!

but this is all my fault. it was my decision not to go to the dentist, so this is the price i must pay now.

mainly, i don't want dentures at 30.

ps
the only thing i really enjoyed about superbowl xl was that i had 3,7 on our squares board, and at halftime i won $30.

thou and thee and all that

so, i'm a little behind the tiems.
i just finally watched sideways today.
good movie.

it peaks my interest in wine.
i just don't have the money or the time, or when it comes down to it, the desire--the drive--to really get into wine.

but the hype about being this huge wine movie--how it opened up the wine industry--i think, is a load. i hate sensationalism.
wine is really the vehicle for the story.

a man reaching a breakng point in his life, he approaches his rock bottom, but in the course of the film and through the adventures he has, the lesson, as always: life is there for the grabbing.

life scares the ever-living shit out of me on a continual basis.
mainly because it takes a constant, conscious decision not to blow it.
and until that constant, conscious attention becomes effortless--which, i have found takes a long time--life can be a struggle.

a daily grind that can wear you down.

but there is a purpose to it all: just do what you can to be happy.
and not just content. happy. a big difference that, i feel, is the biggest cause of misery and emotional distress this side of war.

ever notice how i keep saying this stuff all the time? i think this is what i write about the most. how to persevere. how to get it all together and live a life of fulfillment.

but for everyone that knows me in my real life, i am quite far from heeding my own advice. but, hey, i'm only 25. at least i know i'm screwed up.

steelers 31, seahawks, 27

and carla is the best scrabble player this side of the mississippi.

fleeting

well, debt, i told you we would be reaquainted.
now we are, for the tune of $15k over 5yrs.

but i now own a brand spankin' new mazda 3. in titanium grey.

american idol has started up again, and some article i was reading--i don't remember where--said that ai represents america, in our constant overdog vs underdog mentality that we show.

i think it shows, especially these tryout shows, another part of america: our blindness to our abilities.

here we think we are the best at everything. everything about america and everything in america is the greatest/best/most awesome/the shit. whatever superlative you want.

but do we know our limitations? all these people tryout that look and sound like they honestly believe that have talent. when very few of them have anything resembling talent! then they get upset and indignant when they are given an honest evalution of their abilities.

if you can't face your weaknesses and the things that are holding back and receive criticisim with an open mind, then you will not be able to move forward with your goals.


another thing, i can't wait to see who gets it when this whole lobbying thing plays out in dc. i hope a 100 politicians go down on this one. clean house! vive la revolution!

anyway, no matter what, i'm voting for 3rd party candidates in november.
the dems are going to win massachusetts anyways.

$15k of debt

hello debt.

we have known each other quite well over the last five years. you were always in my life. an addiction i could not get away from.

i started ignoring you. i wouldn't go to your parties. i even stopped saying hi when i saw you on the street.

that was probably harder for you than me. i was always so good to you, debt. but you did nothing but beat me down.

but i was getting over you. i was beginning to control your effect on my life, debt. you were no longer in charge.

then a freaking head gasket cracks on my car and now i have 3 options, 2 of which put me in some kind of debt.
1. spend $1500 fixing a car i bought for $1200
2. buy a $2500-3000 car with some money from the most wonderful woman.
3. buy a brand new car (a small sedan, probably) that will put me back $15000.

while, i don't think 1 is worth it. 2 is what got me in trouble this time, buying an old used car.

so it looks like option 3.

so today i will be going into worcester and looking at some cars.

say what you want about my choices of cars, but here are my top 2 vehicles i am looking at:

mazda3 4 door

saturn ion

so wish me luck, debt. you and i are going to be quite close for the next 5-6 years again, you bitch.

new year, new resolution, new round of failure

on new year's eve, my buddy ryan brought up that i don't blog anymore. he thought it was because i don't have a hook. and he's right.

when i was an unemployed college dropout hiding from creditors and responsibility, it was easy to write. i was looking for something to fill my life, and this was an excellent forum.

now, i feel that i have life pretty under control. i live in a nice place, i have a career, and i'm in love with a wonderful woman.

so what's my hook? talk about how rosy my life is? bitch about politics? write about sports? post daily haikus?

none of that. it really comes down to what made this so interesting to write--and hopefully read--before: my life.

all the little nuances and quirks that is being reger.

that's what i want to write about.

why i am the way i am, think the way i think, feel the way i feel.

blogger is my therapist.

i also know that in the past that i have made this threat and never followed through with it.

but again, that's me.

so if this is the only post you see for 6 months, so be it.
but if i end up blogging 2-3 times a week--or, christ, daily--don't be surprised either. especially those that know me personally.

peace. i'm out.