on cleaning and other things normal people do

so i cleaned up my part of the quad and the common area and the porch. i know, i know. you're sitting there thinking, "this is chris reger's blog, right? i didn't happen to stumble on some other reger, did i?" i quite assure you this is the reger, and i did actually clean things up. this is what spurred me on:

clothes on the floor: you know you're out of clean clothes for tonight, right?
me: shit.
clothes on the floor: too bad you're too lazy to actually pick us up and wash us.
me: oh, you're dead now, mother fucker.

so i did the laundry, but then something else happened:

garbage on the porch: ha, it's a good thing it's raining out, he'll never come out here and clean us up. i can't wait for those moldy limes to evolve enough to attain consciousness, i'm getting bored out here.
me: i heard you! you think water's going to stop me? you know as well as anyone, i need a shower.

the porch was decimated. it was a bloody, bloody battle. it took all the courage i could muster to fight through all the way and get everything off the porch.
as i stumbled back inside to regroup from my narrow victory, i saw the quad table. and i wept. here was something that was beyond horrific. something that no man should see. i knew it was either the table or me. i grabbed another garbage bag and went at it:

me: alright, table, you're covered in garbage, old food, butts and half empty beer cans. underneath you have chinese take out containers and pizza boxes and plenty of dirty dishes. it's time to cleanse this so-called soul you have.
the table: if i could laugh, i would right now. but since i physically lack a mouth, in fact, i don't even know how i'm talking to you right now, but i digress. since i can't laugh, i'll tell you that there is no way that you will be able to actually clean me off. each dirty dish, each butt, each empty subway cup, each box of chinese food makes me stronger. right now, i could rival even God Himself!
me: well, since you lack any sort of locomotion and i have opposable thumbs, i think it will be quite easy to pick all this stuff up and throw it away.
the table: shit.

so the quad is clean and all is right with the world.