with more than 400 dead - if you count the eggs and "coral" - finding nemo is the disney movie with the highest body count

i find that i can't write very well.

i've tried to write fiction, but it doesn't come across as real, like good authors can make it.

i've tried to write true stuff, but i can't flow the words.

there are some people that i read everyday (pretty much everyone on my "don't know" list of blogs, and some on "do know" list as well!) that are so good i want to write just like them.

but when i imitate them, it again feels like not me. which it isn't. i ain't no tony pierce, just reger.

so i try different things out. i write lists. i write stories. i write rants. i write raves.

i write about my life, but is it any good?

my writing, i mean. my life being good or not is a whole nother story.

and who is my writing supposed to be good for?

me?

you?

i check my hits, look at the counter, see how much traffic i'm getting, but that's just hubris. the idea that my words actually matter to other people.

not that that's bad, but it's not good to think of it as the primary reason to write here.

i write here to improve myself.

i still think something monumental is missing from my life, and i don't know what or where it is.

maybe from organizing and cleaning out my head, it will come through the haze that is me.

or maybe it won't.

either way, i'll keep making stuff up, exaggerating my tales, or telling the truth.

it all depends on me.