there is no spoon

this is my mind. this is my soul. this is my voice to the world.
i've achieved enlightenment. not the Buddha-like nirvana or how the big JC was enlightened. there was no Zen-like moment of self-discovery that there was no self. i haven't escaped the dualism of this reality or realized the higher plane of existence. i've become enlightened about this reality. i have come to the conclusion that well i may not be well-traveled, well-read or even well-bred, i am well-experienced. i have gone through much. to borrow from that chump dickens: i've seen the best of times. i've seen the worst of times. i've fallen in love, i've had someone love me back, i've had the love fall apart, i've had unrequited love. i've hated my parents. i have loved my parents. i have had no friends. i have had the best friends. i've gone down paths of self-destruction. i've tried to go down paths of self-creation. i've squandered unlimited potential. i've actualized more potential than i thought i had. i've broken down barriers. i've built up walls. i've crossed bridges, and i've burned a few down (some even before i crossed them). i've done things that are considered brilliant, i've done things that are monumentily stupid. i've been a great leader. i've been a terrible leader. i've followed willingly and i've followed grudgingly. i've been a good member of society. i've rebelled against society at every turn. i've upheld the law. i've been close to being in jail more times than i care to recall. i've given up things for my friends and family. i've recklessly betrayed my friends and family. i've gone from the valley of the shadow of death to summit of the mountain of life-affirming Grace. and i've been stupid enough to ignore my inner voice. and i've been smart enough to heed its advice. i've developed my character into something all should be proud of. i've let my attitude slip into almost never ending spirals of failure and disgust. i've traveled the circle of life and have come up with only one thing that anyone needs to understand:
life has no purpose
for some reason, be it a quirk of evolution or Divine Design (you get to pick which newsletter you subscribe to), humans have developed consciousness. and a symptom of that is we have decided there should be "more" to life than basic survival and propagation of the species. well, boys and girls, there isn't. all this hoopla and rigamarole that we've developed and dubbed "society" and "culture" isn't all it's cracked up to be. people discuss finding their niche. looking for their purpose. discovering their higher calling. there isn't one. look around. this is it. this is the bed we have made and now we have to sleep in it. the simplest way to decide if you're doing what you should be doing is to ask yourself one question: are you happy? i'm not talking new box of oreos and a gallon of milk happy. i'm not talking i just bought a new 48" plasma TV happy. i'm talking soul fulfilling, can't-hold-back-the-smile pure elation. if you can't answer yes then you are not doing what you should be doing. the next step is the hard one. fix it. school doesn't make you happy? quit. i did. you don't want to live at home? move out. your gf/bf make you miserable? kick 'em to the curb. don't like your weight? lose some. that mouse in your apartment pissing you off? get a cat. that kid you know annoying the fuck out of you? forget 'em. they aren't needed in your universe.
i've been searching for the meaning of life since i was 13 years old. i know exactly when it started. i read the Bible cover to cover and decided that there had to be more. well, there doesn't have to be more. there doesn't have to be anything. i forget the author but to paraphrase someone: perfection is not achieved when something can no longer be added, but when nothing more can be taken away. simplify, simplify. oh, thoreau knew what was up. this is it. take it as it comes. every second is filled with limitless possibilities. true happiness is waiting for you to discover it. and when you do, my God, the glory! i've been striving to understand the universe more and more throughout my teenage years. several times along that journey, i thought i had come close to grasping it. i almost had my hands around the secret. i was going to drink from the everlasting cup of wisdom. i was going to know it all. but i couldn't find it. i couldn't grasp it. my grip slipped. and it was lost. but then for the past few months, i've taken a very Taoist approach to the whole kit and kaboodle. i've relaxed. i've relented my search for understanding. i've let the warm, soft almost imperceivable glow of wisdom just wash over me instead of forcing it into a beam i could illuminate the world with. i've let the river run its course instead of trying to dam it up so i could save the future generations. why should i strive for fulfillment? i'm swimming in it. it's time to enjoy the ride. it's a one way trip. and we've all got first class tickets, even though it may look like coach.
i'll live my life loving my friends, having stupid crazy adventures, searching for the one girl that will put up with my shit and basking in the glory that comes from knowing that--no matter what, no matter the outcome, no matter what--it's all good.
i don't expect anyone to agree with this or, christ, even understand it. this is how i've come to have peace with my existence and the world around me. others may find different paths. just because we aren't on the same road doesn't mean we have different destinations or that any of us are lost. if my ramblings about existence and happiness help one person out, i've helped. and that's all i can really do.