he'll give you a weird look

i'm out in the woods. i don't really know why i'm there. it's either sunset or sunrise. i don't know which direction is which. i'm standing on the shores of a lake looking out at the still water.
this guy motors over in an inflatable boat with a big motor on the back of it.
"you need to come with us"
"ok"
i hop in the boat and start driving it. i'm driving across the lake. i don't know why i have to cross the lake. i just know that i need to get to the other end of it.
we get to a waterfall. i just jump right over it and splash down into the rapids. running the boat at top speed, i wail over the rapids pushing the boat to its limits. i have to get to the other side of this lake. i must.
we finally get to this clear pool of water, and i let the boat float up to the edge. i'm at the base of a mountain. there are stone steps leading down into the mountain. i follow them.
at the bottom, these people--5 guys and 5 women--show up in business suits and place a hat on my head and a staff in my hand. the bring me to this large stone table in the middle of this medieval chamber and we all sit around it.
"we'd like to be the first to congratulate you on being the new pope," says the one guy that looks like val kilmer.
"the new pope?"
"yes, you've been selected from all the people in the world to be the next pope," says the guy that looks like howard stern.
"but i'm not even catholic!"
"haha. the pope hasn't been catholic for over 500 years," says the lady that is wearing sunglasses.
"alright, cool. what do i have to do?"
they spend the next few hours explaining to me about what i need to do as the pope, what powers i get over the world's nations, and how many assassinations i get to order a year. it's money being the pope.
then all my friends start showing up in the chamber. looking for food and the entertainment center.
"what are you guys doing here?"
"oh, we heard you're the pope, so we're going to crash here for awhile, if you don't mind," says brendan.
"i guess that's cool. just keep it down, we're having a meeting here. by the way, how did you get here?"
"we took the elevator."
"i took a 2 hour boat ride over waterfalls and killer rapids to get here, and you took an elevator!"
one of the other ladies--the one that was bald like the chick in the first star trek movie--speaks up, "we had to send you that way to see if you could be the pope."

then i woke up, realized--sadly--that i wasn't the pope, and rolled back over for more sleep.
join us next time for another exciting chapter of the reger and his whacked out dreams.