i'm on the porch outside the quad. a bunch of us are standing out there. talking, laughing. i hear some laughter and look inside. ben affleck is sitting on the short couch with sarah silverman. they are watching tv. i come in and ask what is so funny. ben says something about this chick on tv has her own show. then sarah stands up and bends over.
ben looks at me and starts laughing.
"i saw you checking out her ass," he says. "that's my girl, jackass."
i sit down on the other couch.
"i'm not going to lie, affleck. she has a seriously nice ass."
"as long as you don't hook up with her."
he sounds menacing. like daredevil level menacing.
"i can handle that, " i reply.
"you can give me a back rub, though," sarah pipes in.
ever the gentlemen, i bend to the lady's request and give her a back rub. this is where stuff gets weird.
as i'm giving the back rub, her head disappears. she grows like 200lbs and her arms turn backward, and this new monster gives me a bear hug.
i start freaking out. i struggle to no avail. the sarah monster squeezes harder and harder. i turn my head and i see myself asleep on the blue couch.
it is weird seeing yourself outside yourself inside your own head.
so i start screaming, "wake up!"
i keep screaming it in my dream. i see myself on the couch moving. i keep screaming at myself. the sarah monster is squeezing harder and harder. it is getting hard to breath. i don't think i will last much longer. i keep screaming.
WAKE UP
i'm awake laying on the blue couch. but i have the physical sensation of being squeezed really hard. i am quite freaked out by all this.
but sportscenter is still playing, so i watch it for a few and gently slide back to dreamland where this time it's me, a penguin and donald trump.
but that's another story.
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