i'm ashamed

i went to the ballet on sunday night and enjoyed it.

i'm even contemplating season passes to the oregon ballet theatre for the 07-08 season.

it was apart of c's mom's birthday celebration this past weekend.

it was definitely all c's planning on this one. she called me at work on saturday to tell me that i was going to the ballet the next evening.

what?

at first, i was pissed. the freakin' ballet? ballet?!?

then i was like, dude, this is high culture.

then it was, you can start pushing yourself into the portland social elite if you get into the ballet and symphony and so on.

then it was, fuck! i'm going to have to wear a tie.

but after it was over, i dug it. there were 3 sections? acts? dances? recitals?
the first was a classic called "apollo" about the life of the greek god. the second was a weird one about "exploring people's body at play" but it had kick ass music, even if the dances was totally weird. then the last one was ballet set to the music of cole porter, which was cool, cuz it made the ballet change to a musical--which is slightly less gay.

but if i get season tickets, i can even be cliche and see "the nutcracker."

mortgages

c and i went to a home buying seminar last night over at the complex across the street.
it was only this indian couple and us.

but it was informative.
i realized i basically knew nothing about buying a home.

the whole time i also kept having this feeling of nausea because i fear i farked up my credit so bad that i'm screwing myself now. even though it has been years since i had bad credit practices, the past has come back to haunt me.

i also found out the racket that the closing cost system is.

and finally, i realized that i have no where near the maturity to handle buying a home. i am going to freak out like a tweaker when i have to sign those papers.

please, God, let me win the lottery so this is not a problem.

superheroes, anti-heroes and heroes

heroes is one of the best tv shows out there right now.

the characters are well-written, the plot is engaging, and the actors are pretty decent.

one of my favorite daydreams is one where i'm a superhero of some sort.

if i was on heroes, i would want to be peter petrelli.

if i were in x-men, i would want to be cyclops.

if i were in the fantastic-four, i would want to be dr. reed.

or there is batman. through his sheer will and intelligence, he fights for justice.

and can't forget about spiderman. the ultimate hero. a geek that becomes a hero. the dream of every boy.

i think i daydream about being these characters because they are so much bigger-than-life. here is a struggle that must be won for the sake of mankind. and they are the few people in the world that realize the importance of being involved in this struggle.

my worries are 1) not angering carla, 2) keeping my job, 3) and do the cats have food?

when i have an off day, i don't get all my chores done and the cats meow at me.

being a hero and having an off day means people die.

when i have a great day, maybe a handful of people recognize and appreciate it.

being a hero and having a great day means the world appreciates it.

i guess it's just economies of scale, but my low-grade megalomania wants, needs, that.

even if i just keep inside my imagination.

hockey and basketball playoffs in full swing, and i root for no one.

i work in retail.

food retail.

which means that i deal with a lot of people.

which means that i deal with strange people.

and nice people.

the nice people make my day. it is always nice to have a conversation with someone that loves your products and enjoys the atmosphere and your way of doing business.

but it's the strange people that stick in your mind.

someone left 3 pennies behind from their change because, God knows, pennies are worthless.
i thanked her for being nice. she was a nice lady.
a couple people later, i had back change to a woman who said maybe 2 words to me during the entire transaction.
she proceeds to scoop up the 3 pennies and put them in her purse!
i watched her do it. she watched me watch her do it.
but i couldn't say a word.
but i was flabbergasted.
isn't that weird? it's not me that's weird, right? she should have left the pennies for someone that needed them, not her grubby tight-wad hands, right?

as long as i'm not the crazy one...

krups 4 cup espresso maker (in black)

today, i had my first cup of homemade espresso.

i used trader joe's 5 country organic espresso blend coffee.

i used brita on-the-tap filtered water.

i used a nice floral pattern cup that is carla's.

verdict: me, two thumbs up. carla, two thumbs down.

she also likes her coffee so thick with sugar and milk you need a spoon. not that there is anything wrong with that. i'm just a black as night coffee drinker. unless it's iced, then i will go with a dash of cream.

which brings me to something that i wasn't quite aware of about oregon when i moved out here:
WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THE DUNKIN DONUTS?

the closest one to me is about 70 miles away in salem! sev-freakin-enty miles from me.

i used to have a large iced coffee (maybe 2) almost everyday when i was working in w. newton.

it has been over 3 months since i lasted tasted that bland, boring deliciousness that is dunks.

ugh.

maybe trader joe's will open in salem and i can transfer there.

or i could win the lottery and just open my own, so i could have dunkins whenever i wanted.

a man can dream, though. a man can dream.

metablogging and metathinking and metacrap

i find myself thinking about the "purpose" of my blog. when it started i only wanted to be cool like everyone else. then i got an audience, and i thought, "hey, people are actually going to read your run-on sentences and random, trivial, semi-coherent thoughts." and it put immense pressure on me to post and be witty and rant and rave about things that a) people could relate to b) was semi-funny or c) i could lace with several obscure vulgar metaphors.

then i quit writing.

then i tried again.

but couldn't hold onto that flavor that peppered my earlier writings

like that metaphor?

anyhoo, i think i may be back in frame of mind where i can let loose my thoughts and ramblings on an unsuspecting public. and even if no one reads this, i'm going to write like some is, but i am mainly writing for me.

i'm watching lots of tv again, i am reading magazines and newspapers, i'm watching sportscenter again, jeopardy is in the dvr everyday. i am finally making another attempt on that peak of pop culture/trivia/current events that is my mt. everest. one more sailing of the jerobaom to go after my white whale of a fantastic blog. once more into the breech, dear friends!

my life maybe boring.

in fact, i'm pretty sure i'm rocking a pretty high precentile on the boring scale.

but my thoughts are nothing but.

return to the tubes of the interweb

again, i post the blog.

again, i try to share my thoughts and feelings.

again, i say i will do this more often.

again, i make no gare-ohn-tees.

places of residence in my life:
wadena, mn
hibbing, mn
worcester, ma
milford, ma
beaverton, or

i am now on my 5th "home"town and 3rd major geographical region: midwest, new england, pacific northwest.

my biggest disappointment with portland so far: lack of major league sports.
all we have are the trailblazers, who suck.
it's not like minnesota or boston who had all 4 major sports and a rabid enthusiasm in those teams.
for crying out loud, portland just had a celebration for 1977 nba championship 'blazer team.
30 fucking years!

other random thoughts on portland/oregon:

people here love their local made booze. which i approve of.

there is an overrunning of liberals here that are of the mindset of "we should do this because it's politically correct and not conservative" and not "we should do this liberal thing because it's best for america." this is a book's worth of expository essays.

the population of portland is like 30% hipster. and i feel that hipsters are the greatest threat to modern american culture since the hippies went on a rampage in the 60s/70s.

but this is a rant for another day. maybe soon, hipsters are rocketing up my list of social groups that annoy me:

1. suicide bombing terrorist supporting islamic fundamentalists
2. socially conservative bush supporting christian fundamentalists
3. dirty hippies. (i don't mind hippies per se. in fact, i think of myself of a quasi-hippie. it's the dirty-always-drugged-patchouli-wearing-vegan-preaching hippies that i can't stand.)
4. green bay packer fans
5. hipsters

i think the main reason hipsters annoy me is because if i was slightly cooler, i would want to pretend to be super cool and become a hipster, too. :(