howard stern is a genius

some days i want more adventure.
other days i've had enough adventure.
some days i want more explosions. jerry bruckheimer style.
other days i just want to sit around with my boys.
my life is not exciting enough.
but there's too much excitement most of the time.

depending on my mood and the weather (in my mind, not the blowing winds), i feel like i've never done anything "cool." why haven't i dared to be great?
but there have been times when i have been the greatest this world has ever seen. and will ever see.
i've ruled the world and been a slave to mankind.
i've always wanted to go on a grand adventure.
my life is very much a grandeous adventure.

how do you shake the feeling that you haven't lived up to your potential?
just stop and say, "fuck it. i'm going to do everything."
you could, but then the fear comes. the little voice in your head saying that you haven't done anything good yet, so why try to press the issue.
i like it when the voice says, "reger, look back on your life. you've done a helluva lot. influenced dozens of people. played integral parts in many people's personal dramas. you've risen to the occasion and persevered through it all. go kick some ass."
i like that voice.
but i don't hear it enough.
and who's fault is that? probably 100% mine.
it's hard shutting down the fear voice and then only listening to the courage voice.

i like the courage voice.

i don't like the fear voice, but he says things in such a nice, subtle way to make him almost believable.

my life is fantastic. it may not be where i imagined it 6, 7 years ago, but it's where it is now. and that's what i have to deal with.
i've had many grand adventures. i've played some great games. i've done more than a lot of people. i may have not seen a lot of the world geographically, but i've seen a lot of the world spiritually.

i may never completely silence the fear, but i can make the courage scream so loud that the fear is nothing but the quiet buzz of a computer fan. something you live with and have gotten used to, and doesn't bother you when you're trying to sleep--which is fear's prime time.

my courage will wake me up with it's screams of "CHARGE!"
my courage will get me through the day with it's war cry of "REGER'S COMING! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!"
my courage will lull me to sleep with bard-like tales of my exploits, and as i drift to dreamland, my subconscious thoughts will coalesce into fantasties of my next adventure.

which i will go on.