for the fourth year in a row, i have run for a ritual office of my fraternity, tau kappa epsilon. for the third year in a row, i have been denied.
the irony of this situation is a few years ago (senior yr of hs and fresh/soph year of college) i was becoming more and more afraid of taking risks and reaching out for tasks, and yet i was winning elections, put into positions of power/authority and accepting risks. now that i've finally started overcoming that fear and am willing to fail and take risks, all i do is fail.
the funny thing is that every time i have failed at tke, i have gone on to do something good with the fraternity anyway. i've been an excellent steward twice, i've been rush chairmen twice, and i was selected to help run the pledge program this year, and yet, even though i've developed this track record of taking a job, doing it well, and making sure the people around me succeed, i'm still not trusted with authority.
the main complaints against me are i don't complete tasks and i don't listen to other's opinion and i'm very strong minded. i don't know about the completing tasks part--personal life, yes. for tke? just as often as everyone else. being stubborn and willing to voice my opinion? one of my strengths. not listening to others? i guess people don't realize that i do listen to others and i do assimilate their opinion into mine. i just keep voicing my opinion because i believe it is a valid position that deserves attention.
does this mean that after this year i'll quit after four full years of active duty in tke? quit after 4 years of dropping out of college, fucking up my credit, fucking up my life and still caring about tke? quit after 4 years of being one of the most dedicated and devoted tkes living in the house? quit after 4 years when all the people i joined with and have become really close friends have moved away and continued their lives while i'm stuck in a loop?
probably not, after all, someone will need to be rush chair next year.
afterthought: i still can't believe i went into the election with a solid, cohesive plan for what to do with the office and how to help all the novice officers with their tranisitions and i lost to someone that had PREVIOUSLY REMOVED THEMSELVES FROM THE RACE. but i'm not bitter.
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